Week 8 – Starting Over, Sort Of SOS…O

So I, uh, re-wrote my DMP today…from scratch.

While everyone else is installing the plumbing and electrical, I’m still laying the foundation of my new house. Some people already have their furniture picked out, I’m still trying to figure out how deep to dig. Sigh.

Funny thing though, this one makes me cry. Every time I read it, I get teary. Another funny thing, the life I want is so simple. That surprised me.

I am a very simple person caught up in a world that moves at such a crazy, frantic pace. I need time to just sit and think. I’m a thinker. I like thinking. I solve pretty cool problems when I think. I can’t hear myself think most of the time.

A lot of this is self-inflicted (read: procrastinator!) I think if I can solve this, my life will slow down to a much more acceptable pace.

A lot of this is being a working Mom. I feel like this is a problem I want to solve, not just survive.

I am behind on my honour requirements. There, I admitted it. But I’m not giving up. Just when life gets craziest, this becomes even more important. This is what matters, because this will decide if I want to actively participate in my life, or just be pulled along in the… well, I guess River of Dreams is probably the best way to put it – why re-invent the wheel?

I take comfort in the fact that, even if I missed Og one day, he is still on my mind all day. “I will greet this day with love in my heart” has taken over my life. I remember it at strangely perfect times. Even though I don’t have a compass yet, I know my PPNs are my True North and the only direction I need to go. Even though I’m still re-writing my DMP, I am getting closer to my authentic self.

Even though I have no idea how I’m going to get there, at least now I’m pretty close to knowing where I want to go.